‘If only an agent would discover me.  If only a record label would sign me.  If only that casting director would pick me.’

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You can’t put a band-aid on a gunshot wound, so let’s go deeper to the source and stop the bleeding.

Try this: stop looking for gigs and start building relationships.

With the onset of social media, the days of ‘please listen to my demo’ or  ’I'm going to send my headshot to every agent in Hollywood’ are over.   Now, more than ever, you have the power to stand out, to get eyeballs on your brand, for free.  Even theater and product reviews are subject to the madness of the mob.  If you do quality work, people are going to talk about you and the quality of those interactions will lead to tangible relationships.  How do you capitalize on those relationships using social media and leverage them for career success?  Read ‘Engage’ by Brian Solis, or follow Mashable, the most influential blog in the world when it comes to all things social media.

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How do you build relationships?

• If you come in contact with someone who is influential, don’t talk shop.  Allow them to get to know you as a person, give them a reason to care about you, not your resume.
• Play gigs for free, offer your services for free.  Unless you really suck you’re not going to get turned down, and it’s a chance to leverage that free gig with a referral or some contacts for future paying gigs.
• Find a business model and stick to it.  If you aim at nothing, you hit nothing.
• Go to networking events.  There’s nothing I hate more than a room full of people, but no one is an island.  Get out of the house.
• For every person who turns you down for a gig, ask them for three people that may be able to help you.
• Invite that casting director, author or marketing guru to your event or show.  They’ll probably blow you off – unless you’re persistent, and that builds respect as long as you know when to chill.  I think influential people are like super models:  they don’t get asked out as often as you think, because everyone thinks they’re always getting asked out, so nobody asks.
• If you’re fortunate enough to book a gig, finish by saying thank you and realize that entitlement is a one way ticket to mediocrity.  Check out Gary Vaynerchuk’s, new book The Thank You Economy.

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These aren’t things I read about on the Internet, they are things I’ve done and continue to do – and they work.

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I look forward to reading about you.

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Kahlil (at) gigsmacked (dot) com

Tabloids make me sick to my stomach. Their job is to sell magazines by any means necessary.  What sells?  Breakups. Turmoil. Conflict.

Failed marriages (or relationships) are the highest grossing subject in tabloid journalism.

We are constantly bombarded with these images.  Since the days of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton society has been fed the misconception that relationships and the entertainment industry are like chalk and cheese – they don’t mix.

When I was in the military touring the world ten months at a time with Tops In Blue I saw a lot of marriages crumble under the pressure.  The commanders’ response was always the same: ‘If the military wanted you to have a family they would issue you one.’

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In an industry where you’re told that career is everything and love/marriage is portrayed as something that is disposable how do you prevent your relationship from becoming a statistic?

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-Family first. Career second. Anybody with kids (including me) will tell you that you’ll never be ‘ready’ for a family or marriage or a serious relationship.  That’s they joy of growing together.  I’m not saying go out and hump like rabbits.  But try not to fall into the trap of putting your personal life on hold so that you can ‘make it’ before you meet that special someone.  Having a life apart from your work will enrich your craft. Maybe relationships aren’t for everyone but no one is an island.

-Get Skype.  Click here to download.  It’s free video calls via the internet, Mac and PC friendly.  Phone calls, emails and texts are great but seeing the other person’s face is priceless.  My wife and I started out as a long distance relationship and Skype made all the difference.  Still does.  If you can’t communicate you can’t survive.  Skype is also great for us because I tour quite a bit.  No Skype? Make time to pick up the phone.  Often.

-Be Present And Know When To Turn Off. I’m guilty of this sometimes.  When you are your business and your office is you it’s hard to close up shop, shut down the laptop and stop answering emails.  But it must be done. If you don’t your relationship will suffer.   Go for a walk together.  Cook together.  Do things that have nothing to do with your business.  Your partner/wife/spouse can’t support you if they don’t feel connected to you.

-Don’t cheat.  It’s not what it is, it’s what it looks like.  What goes on the road doesn’t stay on the road.  Ask Tiger.

Johnny Depp and his family live in France for a reason.  Samuel L Jackson and Denzel Washington have been married to the same person for over twenty years and they both met their spouses WAY before they were famous.   Director Ron Howard moved his family as far away from Hollywood as possible.  Take heart that there are some very successful marriages and relationships in the entertainment industry but you won’t hear about them because great marriages don’t sell magazines.

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It takes courage and hard work to put your relationship first.  Do it. You won’t always be as gorgeous as you are now.  Besides who’s going to change your diapers when you’re old?  Not me!

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

Kahlil (at) gigsmacked (dot) com

Share this and comment below on your experiences.  We know there’s some great success stories out there.