Tabloids make me sick to my stomach. Their job is to sell magazines by any means necessary.  What sells?  Breakups. Turmoil. Conflict.

Failed marriages (or relationships) are the highest grossing subject in tabloid journalism.

We are constantly bombarded with these images.  Since the days of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton society has been fed the misconception that relationships and the entertainment industry are like chalk and cheese – they don’t mix.

When I was in the military touring the world ten months at a time with Tops In Blue I saw a lot of marriages crumble under the pressure.  The commanders’ response was always the same: ‘If the military wanted you to have a family they would issue you one.’

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In an industry where you’re told that career is everything and love/marriage is portrayed as something that is disposable how do you prevent your relationship from becoming a statistic?

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-Family first. Career second. Anybody with kids (including me) will tell you that you’ll never be ‘ready’ for a family or marriage or a serious relationship.  That’s they joy of growing together.  I’m not saying go out and hump like rabbits.  But try not to fall into the trap of putting your personal life on hold so that you can ‘make it’ before you meet that special someone.  Having a life apart from your work will enrich your craft. Maybe relationships aren’t for everyone but no one is an island.

-Get Skype.  Click here to download.  It’s free video calls via the internet, Mac and PC friendly.  Phone calls, emails and texts are great but seeing the other person’s face is priceless.  My wife and I started out as a long distance relationship and Skype made all the difference.  Still does.  If you can’t communicate you can’t survive.  Skype is also great for us because I tour quite a bit.  No Skype? Make time to pick up the phone.  Often.

-Be Present And Know When To Turn Off. I’m guilty of this sometimes.  When you are your business and your office is you it’s hard to close up shop, shut down the laptop and stop answering emails.  But it must be done. If you don’t your relationship will suffer.   Go for a walk together.  Cook together.  Do things that have nothing to do with your business.  Your partner/wife/spouse can’t support you if they don’t feel connected to you.

-Don’t cheat.  It’s not what it is, it’s what it looks like.  What goes on the road doesn’t stay on the road.  Ask Tiger.

Johnny Depp and his family live in France for a reason.  Samuel L Jackson and Denzel Washington have been married to the same person for over twenty years and they both met their spouses WAY before they were famous.   Director Ron Howard moved his family as far away from Hollywood as possible.  Take heart that there are some very successful marriages and relationships in the entertainment industry but you won’t hear about them because great marriages don’t sell magazines.

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It takes courage and hard work to put your relationship first.  Do it. You won’t always be as gorgeous as you are now.  Besides who’s going to change your diapers when you’re old?  Not me!

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

Kahlil (at) gigsmacked (dot) com

Share this and comment below on your experiences.  We know there’s some great success stories out there.

As a performer it kills me to see my fellow actors and performers getting duped. It’s usually by the same kinds of people every time. You know the ones. ‘Do you want to be the next Hannah Montana or Ashton Kutcher? Then you need to come down to the SnakeNavel Convention Center and audition for our top agents and managers this Saturday from 10am to blahblahblah.’  Ads in the paper or on a website promising casting info or introductions to casting directors, agents or producers for a fee.   This is a multi-BILLION dollar criminal industry.

Like a slimy used car salesman they’ll promise you the stars and deliver zero.

Question: How do you know if you’re being taken advantage of?
Answer:  Below are the most common scams and how to spot them. (thanks to the Better Business Bureau for their help on this)

Beware of any person, company or organization who:

1. Asks for up-front money, which may be called “registration,” “consultation,” or “administrative” fees. Legitimate agents work on a commission. They don’t get any money until you get paid for doing the work they have obtained for you.
2. Pressures you to leave a check or cash deposit or sign a contract immediately. (I’ve been repped by William Morris and ICM and never had to sign a contract.) The agent may insist that you take acting lessons at a particular school or from a particular teacher; or may try to get you to buy expensive photographs, audition tapes, or other services or materials sold by someone he or she suggests. An agent’s time should be spent finding work for his or her client, not selling products and services. One of the biggest complaints from casting people? Actors spend WAY too much money on photos that don’t even look like the person who walks in the door. Money doesn’t make you photogenic.
3. Displays pictures of famous models or celebrities on the walls to make you believe they are represented by that agency, although they’re not.

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4. Uses names which sound similar to well-known agencies. Fraudulent companies will sometimes do this to give the incorrect impression that they are connected to a legitimate entity.

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5. Places phony ads in the help wanted section of newspapers that say something like, “new faces wanted” for commercials, movies or modeling or claim that “no experience is necessary.”

6. Charges you money to speak with agents over the phone. There are several websites who do this. Agents and managers are busy people but they won’t charge you to speak to them. They may not return your calls right away but that’s part of the game. No one should charge you on their behalf.

Problems or complaints about an agent or an agency may be referred to the Better Business Bureau, state Department of Licensing and Regulation or consumer protection agency in the city where the company is located. To obtain helpful consumer information on a particular agency, you will need to contact the local BBB that serves that particular city.

There is no magic formula for success. Following your heart will take you to greater heights than following your wallet.   If it sounds too good to be true…well, you know the rest.  Here’s to your success!

-Kahlil at GigSmacked dot com

We want to hear from you on this.  I’ve snuck into a few of these ‘conventions’ and ‘agencies’.  The dishonest business practices are shocking. Share this with your friends, family and colleagues and let us know what you think.