Tabloids make me sick to my stomach. Their job is to sell magazines by any means necessary.  What sells?  Breakups. Turmoil. Conflict.

Failed marriages (or relationships) are the highest grossing subject in tabloid journalism.

We are constantly bombarded with these images.  Since the days of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton society has been fed the misconception that relationships and the entertainment industry are like chalk and cheese – they don’t mix.

When I was in the military touring the world ten months at a time with Tops In Blue I saw a lot of marriages crumble under the pressure.  The commanders’ response was always the same: ‘If the military wanted you to have a family they would issue you one.’

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In an industry where you’re told that career is everything and love/marriage is portrayed as something that is disposable how do you prevent your relationship from becoming a statistic?

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-Family first. Career second. Anybody with kids (including me) will tell you that you’ll never be ‘ready’ for a family or marriage or a serious relationship.  That’s they joy of growing together.  I’m not saying go out and hump like rabbits.  But try not to fall into the trap of putting your personal life on hold so that you can ‘make it’ before you meet that special someone.  Having a life apart from your work will enrich your craft. Maybe relationships aren’t for everyone but no one is an island.

-Get Skype.  Click here to download.  It’s free video calls via the internet, Mac and PC friendly.  Phone calls, emails and texts are great but seeing the other person’s face is priceless.  My wife and I started out as a long distance relationship and Skype made all the difference.  Still does.  If you can’t communicate you can’t survive.  Skype is also great for us because I tour quite a bit.  No Skype? Make time to pick up the phone.  Often.

-Be Present And Know When To Turn Off. I’m guilty of this sometimes.  When you are your business and your office is you it’s hard to close up shop, shut down the laptop and stop answering emails.  But it must be done. If you don’t your relationship will suffer.   Go for a walk together.  Cook together.  Do things that have nothing to do with your business.  Your partner/wife/spouse can’t support you if they don’t feel connected to you.

-Don’t cheat.  It’s not what it is, it’s what it looks like.  What goes on the road doesn’t stay on the road.  Ask Tiger.

Johnny Depp and his family live in France for a reason.  Samuel L Jackson and Denzel Washington have been married to the same person for over twenty years and they both met their spouses WAY before they were famous.   Director Ron Howard moved his family as far away from Hollywood as possible.  Take heart that there are some very successful marriages and relationships in the entertainment industry but you won’t hear about them because great marriages don’t sell magazines.

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It takes courage and hard work to put your relationship first.  Do it. You won’t always be as gorgeous as you are now.  Besides who’s going to change your diapers when you’re old?  Not me!

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin

Kahlil (at) gigsmacked (dot) com

Share this and comment below on your experiences.  We know there’s some great success stories out there.

The people you surround yourself with can keep you from reaching greatness or they can be the one thing that keeps you grounded. Here’s what happens if you don’t know

the difference:

Duffy went from a film deal with Harvey Weinstein and gracing magazine covers to has-been in record time.

His downfall?  1. Smelling his own piss. (Believing his own press) 2. Mixing friends and family with business.

The problem with hiring family or friends in the entertainment business is two-fold:

Emotional attachment: It is impossible to make smart creative and business decisions when emotion is involved.  You need to be able to step back.  Separate yourself from the situation and look at things objectively and make the call without flinching.   If your mom is managing your career and is obviously in over her head how do you tell her to buzz off?  Answer is don’t hire her in the first place.  I’m a parent.  If my kid is kicking butt at something I’d want him  to have the best person possible to make sure he’s on the right track.  Doesn’t mean I can’t check in on them here and there.  There’s a fine line between concern and interference.

Family and friends want to protect you.  I get it.  But the ‘you’ they have known all these years will have to evolve significantly in order to face the temptations and challenges of succeeding in this business.  Learn to separate the ‘old home you’ from the ‘work you’.  They need to let go of the old you and give you room to grow. Your past can either propel you to success or hold you back.   My past is nothing to brag about (it’s actually pretty horrible) but it is also my biggest advantage because to hide it is fake and won’t hold up in the long term.  Keep your eyes on the prize.

NOTE: If you happen to hate your family’s guts then consider yourself at an advantage.  Chances are they won’t be working for you anyway so skip this bit.

Maybe your family gives you useful input.  Great. But you need to know where to draw the line. If you are among the lucky few who have a competent team of professionals with your best interest at heart working their butts off for you there is no need to jeopardize that relationship by second-guessing their guidance. The very nature of growing your brand and an intricate part of any  major career evolution is that it has to be broken down in order to be built back up.

Expectations: I am closer to my friends than I am with most of my family.  My buddy from Tops In Blue was the best man at my wedding.  Would I hire him to manage my career or affairs?  Nope.  And he doesn’t expect me to.  A lot of the business decisions you’ll have to make may be what’s best for your career but not in the best interest of your friendship.  The phrase ‘we started this together’ is a slippery slope so beware of people who are hanging on to your coat tails with this sly form of guilt.  You don’t owe anybody a damn thing.  And the world doesn’t owe you anything either. When you hire an industry professional who may not know you but is passionate about your work everybody starts on even ground.  Someone who doesn’t know you takes you at face value and all their decisions are clear and transparent.  They’re not afraid to piss you off, and you’re not afraid to give them a piece of your mind.  This is how business relationships work, as long as you don’t start talking about each other’s mamas you’ll make lots of money together and enjoy a successful career.

With success comes a lot of guilt which we’ll cover in another post.  Remember that the sacrifices your family and friends have made to support you on your journey don’t come with strings attached.  Thank them by being successful and never forgetting where you came from.  And mention GigSmacked.com in your awards acceptance speech.  (kidding)

It’s Showbusiness.  Not ShowFriends.

-Kahlil Ashanti, GigSmacked.com

I know there are some successful family/friends situations out there but it’s very rare.  Agree or Disagree? Is it working for you?  Share your secrets!   We’re here to shed as much light on this subject as possible.  ReTweet, Facebook, and share this post.  Let’s keep the dialogue going!